frustratingggggg

I've been sorting through my head quite a bit lately and many frustrations have been surfacing.

For one, it is SO hard to see most of my friends out in the world, really living a life of serving. I really wish I could join them, but right now it's the most unopportune time, having to go to college soon.

Another, is Saddleback Church. Okay, so attending there when I was younger and going with my mom through the years, there have always been things that they have said or done that has rubbed me the wrong way, but I have always brushed it off because of course no church is perfect and we all make mistakes, I'm aware of that. So, recently they built a brand new youth center and just take a wild guess how much it cost. ....Cmon, just guess. Okay... 20 MILLION DOLLARS. For ONE building. 20 big ones! Utter insanity! I understand that the church is huge, so obviously the tithes will be generous, especially from the area that we live in, but it's completely unnecessary. Not only that, the pastor of missions has even ran into me while I was leading a missions team and I told him I wanted to do long term missions, yet they won't financially support me one bit. They spend 20 million dollars on one building, but they will not support people who want to go out? It's SO frustrating.

I'm even more frustrated with myself that I really haven't been acting on what I care about and helping others. It's so hard to remember others how I am living today and it's sucks that I really haven't been able to do anything for the kids in Mumbai.


With all this, in the end, I realize how great it is to have grace. And really, I know this sounds completely sappy and from a lame christian book mark, but it's so good to know that no matter what we do, where we are at or what we can or cannot accomplish, God loves us as much as he'll ever love us in this very moment. For me, this is SO reassuring and helps me move on without guilt, but going on to help others not because we are supposed to or that makes me a better person, but simply for the fact that someone else can experience this unconditional love.

okay, venting done.